I don’t know the five people I want to be the average of

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” – Jim Rohn*

I’ve been thinking about the above quote a lot lately, because I’ve been thinking about where my time is going, who it’s going to, and how that is enabling or limiting my ability to reach my goals and continue becoming the person I want to be.

The person I intentionally spend the most time with is my best friend Nicole. I have a lot of close friends nearby — other NYC besties, my childhood best friend, my closest friend from college, friends from grad school, friends I’ve met through volunteering, etc. But beyond Nicole, there isn’t even one person who, for me, makes sense to be on that list. My time is split between a lot of people. I’ve lived in New York for a total of 11.5 years, and unlike many of my friends’ friends, the people I’ve met here over that time haven’t moved away. My circle is large and dispersed; I tend to see many people a few times a year instead of the same people day in and day out. And lately I’ve been feeling like I want my circle to be smaller, my relationships deeper. I want more friendships that feel like collaborations. More breakfast meetings, less “Let’s grab drinks.”

I don’t know people like me, which has the result of making me feel like there aren’t people like me. I think every day about how I want to be, what kinds of people could aid me on that path, and how I can come to know them.

I want to be more:

  • creative
  • conscious
  • disciplined
  • growth-minded

I want to be less fearful. I want to continually operate from a place of abundance, not scarcity. I want to expect miracles, always, not just when I can get into the right mindset. I want to exude better energy all the time, without having to think about it. I want to know more people whose energy will buoy me on off days.

five people - portrait (1)

I want to know more people who read the same books I do. I want more people in my life who are always evolving, who wake up every day looking to live their lives with intention. Who prioritize their creative work and their human relationships and their contributions to society and then let the less-important stuff fill in the cracks.

But what I keep coming back to is that I don’t know how to meet these people. Do you?

*Google Jim Rohn. His other quotes include some serious bangers.